Mind Over Weight Loss

One of my intentions set for 2017 was to continue working toward being the healthiest me. In fact it was the first one that I wrote down.

While I don’t intend to focus on them in any particular order, and some will overlap, the fact that this was the very first thing I thought of, says a lot about its importance.

I want to start off by saying that weight is not even close to the only determining factor in one’s health, but I know that for me personally, being overweight has a negative impact on my health, both mentally and physically. I start to feel a lot of aches and pains when I get to a certain weight, and that deters me from getting out and moving my body. A lot of my past depression and negativity came from being unhappy with how I looked and more importantly, how I felt being overweight. And so as a matter of priority, I have been working to lose weight so I can feel more confident and move easily.

I have done a program through my naturopath called HCG. (I am not going to outline the specifics here. You can read about it online if you are intrigued.) I will say that have done it many times with great results, and I know it works for me.

I’ve always done it knowing full well that I would need more than one round to reach my goal weight. However almost without fail, something would always come up or somehow dissuade me from doing an additional round, be it a financial obligation, or some other justification.

Over time, I would return to old habits and end up right back where I was. After all, a mere 40 days on a program isn’t going to change a lifestyle or a mindset that you’ve lived with for a lifetime. I’d start another round when I could, but found that I was constantly starting over, back at square one. This is why diets don’t work!

This is also why those in the program are encouraged not to use this program as a crutch. We are encouraged to use it as a springboard to a healthier lifestyle. The clinic offers courses on cooking healthy every-day food, and support groups online and in person, counselling, and so many other great opportunities, to help us take an all-encompassing approach to getting healthy.

After a previous round of the program, I got very discouraged. I was in a bad headspace and I didn’t have a great round. I struggled through it and it was the least I’d ever lost. It was thoroughly unenjoyable but I knew all of this was on me, not the program. It didn’t take me as long after that round to turn back to cheeseburgers and chocolate either, to try to silence my unhappiness (which I will detail in a future post). Before I knew it, I was not just back to square one, I was at my heaviest weight yet! I was unhappy in life and on a highway to self-destruction.

I hovered around this weight for a year. I tried other amazing programs that I had done in the past such as Whole30 or Paleo Restart. I knew in my mind that eating whole, natural foods for30 days or more, would certainly make me feel better inside, and my clothes fitting better would be an added bonus. This had always worked in the past…

But despite knowing I’d feel better if I ate well, I struggled to stick with it. And I didn’t understand why, which only drove me into deeper misery and hopelessness.

I had joined the online support group provided by my Naturopathic Clinic, over a year before all this, maybe two. I was contributing quite a bit when I first joined, but due to whatever default Facebook settings, it never came up in my main feed and eventually, as I put my health and my weight on low priority, I stopped looking at it at all.

Then one evening this summer, desperate for someone to relate to, the thought popped in my head to check in on the group. I remembered that it had been evolving to be more about sharing feelings and thoughts on the program, than it was about recipes and tips – the original purpose. So I started scrolling through, looking for something, but even I didn't know what it was.

The universe was calling.

And then I saw it. A raw and emotional post about feelings and using food to try to soothe them. A plea for anyone else who felt the same. And then there were the comments. The first was something about the in-person support group, I grazed it by. The next, from counsellor who runs it, confirming that weight loss is as much mental as it is physical, then more comments from other members thanking and praising the original poster for being so candid. They felt the same! And I realized, so did I… I was totally using food to try to fill a void. 20 comments down, I remembered that someone said something about meeting up in person to talk about these types of things. I re-read that first comment again and it had turned out that they had talked about these very kind of topics in the last meeting... I knew I had to go!

I made a comment too wherein I thanked the OP for posting and added where I came from, my struggles, and how glad I was that there were so many other supporting services to the program than when I had first started, the meetups being the most exciting. The care and encouragement that followed astounded me.

I thought about it that evening and the little glimmer of hope I’d gotten from the chat, grew. I realized I had been putting off trying it again out of embarrassment. I let my fears and my pride stop me from achieving my goal. Who was I?

The next day I made the following post:

“I just wanted to say a big Thank You to everyone who was chatting with me last night. I had been putting off going back on the program in part due to the embarrassment of having to start over again and having reverted back to old habits again. But thanks to the encouragement and support in this group, I have stopped being hard on myself about that and feeling sorry for myself. I have called to make an appt with Dr. Polo and I will also be coming to the meet up. I can’t wait to meet you all there!”

I merely wanted to provide a friendly thank you and update for those that encouraged me the night before. The flood of replies that followed was completely unexpected. Most people said how they were in the same boat but went back anyway, many were providing further reassurance and support. But a few were actually thanking me for my candidness and saying I had inspired them to do the same. I knew I was heading in the right direction.

I went to the next meetup and met the lovely ladies who’d been so kind online. I remember the chat being profound and reflective, yet insightful and hopeful. And I remember one lady personally thanking me for making my comment online, because it was what brought her to the meetup. We hugged and I tried not to cry.

I had made some other positive changes in my life throughout the summer (again, for another post). I fed on that positive energy. I budgeted for as many rounds as it would take to reach my goal, in both time and finances, and figured I could reach it by my 32nd birthday. Before I knew it, I was pumped to start again!

From there, I had my most successful round yet! I attribute it to being in a positive frame of mind, the support group online, and in person, and one on one counselling. When you struggle with emotional eating, the success of losing weight is more contingent on overcoming the matters of your mind, more than any diet or exercise regime.

With this in mind, I went into the maintenance phase of the program, where there is a little more leeway and consequently a little more room for “slip-ups” and relapses. But I was excited and determined to start my next round as a continuation, rather than a restart. I was even keen to do it over the holidays. To me, reaching my goal and staying on course was more important than bingeing on holiday feasts.

As what always seems to happen though, other financial obligations came up and I was not able to start my holiday round as I'd hoped. I had to make the tough decision to wait until my benefits renewed in the New Year and I felt disappointed at that. However unlike past rounds, I hadn’t fully gone back to old habits. I had some small relapses, but then I would wilfully make the decision to get focused again. I ended the year feeling excited, proud, and motivated.

Even in this aspect, losing my job has not derailed my plans. I still have benefits for the time being and so I will move forward with this round at the very least. And while I won’t have reached my goal, I have learned so much about myself and my mind, that I am confident I won’t revert.

Besides, who knows? I might find a great job with even better benefits before my next planned round... or I might not.

But what I do know, is that I am more determined than ever, to stay the course and see this intention through.