Take the Leap!

That nasty self-doubting voice we all have tried getting louder this week.

You know the one… That inner monologue, that tries to convince us that we can’t do something, or that we will fail, or even that we already have failed, before we even start.

You may have noticed that I have rediscovered my passion for writing through this blog. You have all been so kind and so supportive, and for that, I am filled with gratitude. I haven’t previously told my readers this, but I have told close friends and my loving, supportive family, that this is what I want to do! I want to keep growing my blog and see where it leads me. (So please do share it!)

In the meantime, I will freelance my talents to businesses who need content created for their websites. I love the idea of being able to write, from anywhere, for anyone. All my experience in sales, and business, my education, and my hobbies have prepared me to be knowledgeable on a wide variety of topics for which I can write. I truly believe that all roads have lead me here.

Most of all, I love the idea of my words having an impact. I want to continue to share my journey and be able to teach and inspire through the lessons I am learning, by sharing them with you all.

But of course, after I checked in on my budget this week and had that moment of panic. All in all, I am still in good shape for the time being, but I have spent a little more frivolously than I should have, for someone living off savings. In that moment, I felt a twinge of guilt and then a twinge of panic. My inner voice was telling me to hit the accelerator on the job hunt and to put the dreams of blogging and writing for a living aside and get a “real job” - even though that isn’t what I want, and isn’t where my passions lie. Every job I see, for which I am qualified, gives me a pit in my stomach. The thought of working in an office again, or working for someone other than myself, or that doesn't involve writing and blogging, fills me with dread.

So I stopped and took a pause. What are my options? What do I want, and how can I get there? What can I do in the meantime, while I establish myself as a writer? Then I went back to the budget, finished updating it, and made some guidelines for myself to curb spending and maximize the time that I have now. I regrouped, revamped my budget, and then got a good night’s sleep.

Through all of this, I also realized that I had stopped listening to the universe and watching for signs. I had stopped focusing on my intentions, ever so briefly. Shortly after, I caught on to a message kept repeating itself in various aspects in my life; the next book from my list, a lunch with a friend, an inspirational musing online - It’s all been pointing to one consistent intimation:

Stop with the self-doubt!

I finished the Mark Manson book (highly recommend!) and next on my list is “You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by Jen Sincero. It’s bright yellow and has been sitting on my nightstand. It catches my eye it every morning and every evening - and I ignore it. In retrospect, perhaps this was a subconscious choice made by my self-doubt. (Oh, the irony!) But every day that passes, I think about this yellow book and its title more and more. It’s calling me to read it and I cannot ignore it any further.

My lunch date today also reinforced that we all have self-doubt. It’s a natural part of progression and growth. Some people are able to use it to their advantage, to push themselves and work harder for their goals, and some people really struggle with it, beat themselves up about it, or fully give in to it. And neither thing is necessarily even "good" or "bad". It just is...

Self-doubt is nothing more than a fork in the road. It is simply your mind providing you with options. You can either give in to it or you can stifle it. Either way, you will have to follow down the path that stems from your choice.

For me, choice A is motivated by my self-doubt in my ability to create a career from my writing and my ability to sustain my lifestyle or even make ends meet. This means going back to corporate life, working for someone else, but having some stability and security. But choice B means stifling that self-doubt, chasing my dreams, staying on the path toward a writing/freelancing career, following the plan that I have come up with and trusting in the universe, but more importantly, trusting in myself, and my abilities, and my talents. I further remind myself that stability and security and no more guaranteed in a corporate job, than they are in an entrepreneurial adventure so I might as well keep trying to follow my passion and stay the course.

I have seen many quotes and much inspirational writing since starting this journey, but some stand out and resonate more than others. Tonight, this post hit me hard! Local Vancouver Relationship Specialist/Life Guru, Mark Groves says,

"You have to go to the island and burn the boat," I remember the first time I heard that... it was in the context of following our dreams. That we need to take the leap and not leave a trail of safety nets.

But we do this don't we? In work we keep doors open "just in case" our dream doesn't work out. In love we maybe never cut the tethers to connections that have even the smallest spark... cause then we'd have to be all in, right?! And what happens if we do that?! Ohhhhh. The unknown.

Love is uncertainty. Love and dreams are the same to me. Our passions have love flowing through them... they make us vulnerable because people get to see what we truly care about. In any leap of uncertainty, there is growth and expansion... because unfamiliarity means we're learning and moving towards a path we've never been on. The more you leap in any and all areas of your life, the more you'll want to live in that space. The more you'll want to share, create and love from that space. The most glorious moments are the ones you haven't lived yet... the ones you don't even know about... the ones you can't predict.

Leap, it's the same as trust. You don't know how it will all work out... and even when you think you do, the story is never done being written. We're always in the middle of the book”

And I realized, I have already done so much leaping, and I am already craving that space he talks about. My best writing and photos have come from those moments, where I wasn’t sure what was going to happen or how things were going to work out. Losing my job forced me to take a leap. Choosing to try CrossFit on a whim was a leap I took on my own. But either way, taking those leaps were some of the best decisions that I have made so far this year, and I continue to learn the truth that he speaks of in that post.

And once again, I am telling my self-doubt to shove it, because deep down, I know that I want to write my story as it unfolds.

Even as I write that, a fire ignites inside me and this tells me I am on the right path.

So I am going to keep taking the leaps and explore the unknown.